Yet Even More Proof Why I Can't Have Nice Things

*Big Sigh*

I got some bad news... and some good news. 

First things first... the good news. 

My car has been brought back from the dead and is up and running right now. My dad checked it and said that the engine looked okay but the oil was old so I have to get that checked soon. All it needed really was a jump and gas... then he asked me if my gas gauge was working to which I replied, "Yes... but I drove for half an hour when the little needle was on the red line once and the car didn't stop." I just knew my dad was cringing on the other side of the phone. That showed how ignorant I was and still am of car stuff. Just imagine when -- and I said WHEN not IF -- we have hover cars and they just stall... the consequences of having your car die would be A LOT more severe. Oh... and I guess I graduated from the University of Iowa... but never mind that...

...Now for the BAD news...

Yes, my car has been revived but is in critical condition right now. When ever I turn on the A/C, the radio, or just pretty much drive, it smells like gas. I initially thought that it was just because I was dealing with the gas when my car stopped... but it still smells strongly of it after a while. Not only that, but I filled it up on Monday so on Tuesday, when I went to work which is about 10 minutes away from where I live, it was full. Fast forward to Thursday, with no driving in between, and the needle went down to the third line... WTF? Either I'm losing gas or have to get my eyes checked because I'm reading the gas gauge wrong.

Speaking of eyes, I broke my glasses on the last day of classes. It was actually pretty stupid. I was sitting on the floor with my laptop because there was a spider the night before on the sofa... I'm deathly afraid of spiders, even tiny ones. So that's why I was sitting there. My eyes were tired so I took off my glasses and set them beside me with every intention of putting them right back on in a few seconds. However, the phone rang. It was pretty loud and gave me a good scare. I stood up immediately to answer it... but it was a telemarketer so I sat back down. That's when I noticed it. I had heard the "crunch" when I was walking to the phone, but it never dawned on me until I saw it, that the "crunch" were my glasses breaking under the weight of my sneaker clad feet... embarrassing.

I was tempted to tell someone who asked me "What happened to your glasses?" that I was saving a small child from a ninja. We were using all kinds of karate and ultimately his nunchucks hit my glasses -- not my face, because I'm just THAT good at dodging -- and knocked them straight off my nose.  Anything but, "Oh... I crushed them whilst departing from my temporary work station to answer the phone". Not only is that explanation boring but it made it seem as though I had some sort of personal vendetta against my glasses and broke them because they had wronged me... or something. However, that would have been lying... and being the semi-good girl that I am, I couldn't do that.

Needless to say, I pretty much spent two weeks without glasses and I don't think that's a good idea, especially now that I have to take an ibuprofen almost everyday for the headaches I'm getting. They're not even that bad... I'm just a wuss.

Take all of this and add to it the fact that now I am officially out in the real world and no longer have an excuse to live at home. Well, not until I really get my car fixed, that is.

Wow... it looks like I have more bad news than good news. Maybe that's telling me something. 

Either I'm a negative person... or bad stuff just happens to me.

P.S. The hinge on my laptop is still broke... but it works like a charm and plays Syberia just swell!

 

More Proof I Can't Have Nice Things

Oh... my... goodness...

For the second time in my life, I had my car just stop in the middle of the road. The first time was in Connecticut about five years ago. I had a 1993 Ford Taurus that I had bought for just 700 dollars. I was going to Three Rivers Community College, lived with my dad, and had a 'job' as a pianist in his Latin jazz band... pretty cool for a 17 going on 18 year old fresh out of college.

I had just come back from a piano lesson in Norwalk and was going back to New London which was approximately an hour. Half way into my trek back home, my car started to slow down. I pulled over into the side line and turned my lights on alerting everybody that my car was acting up. Apparently, I had so many things on my mind that I hadn't put gas in my car and completely overlooked the fact that the needle was on the red 'E'.

I was hysterical, trying to start my car up and banging my head against the steering wheel when the engine would start but just fizzle out seconds later. Suddenly it hit me, I'd call my dad. I had misgivings about calling the police in a state that I was completely new to. I talked to my father, on the verge of tears. He was a bit pissed because I was expecting him to drive an hour to help me get gas--earlier that month, I had locked my keys in my car while on campus and again I called him. Later on, he pulled me aside and asked me what I'd do in the same situation and I couldn't call him or my mom. I just shrugged and didn't think that would happen... but oh how wrong I was.

Fast forward to Tuesday December 7th, 2010. My car, a 1997 Chrysler Concorde LX that I had bought with my own money and was just a tad bit more expensive than the Ford Taurus. The previous owner was a professor at the University of Iowa and had installed a 6-CD changer in the back. The windows and locks were automatic and it was a pretty big car. 

It broke down on my way to work in the middle of the intersection. Luckily I was close to a gas station so I went to get some gas. I returned to where my car is and by now the police where there... I wondered if somebody had called because of my car. Unfortunately I didn't have my phone, so I couldn't call them myself. Apparently there had been another car that stopped just a little ways away from where I was and they were called there. They saw me and offered to sit behind my car until I got back from getting yet another gallon after the first didn't start my car. 

Well, that extra gallon didn't help and the officer even tried to start the car for me... to no avail. They called me a tow truck and I even sat in the back of the police car... I intend that to be the last time. It was uncomfortable, but at least it was warm. 

A two truck was called... 80.25 to have the car towed back to my house. After an awkward fifteen minutes of sitting in the towtruck, we arrived at my house and the car was placed in the driveway off to the side as I always parked it. My dad had to pay the majority of it... but at least I have it back. 

I was just so angry at myself. I knew I had to change the oil but never had the time or money and now if my engine is burned out, that would mean the end of that car for me. Lord knows that I won't have the money any time soon for a whole new engine. Whatever... that car wasn't that great anyway. It had a good run... obviously that run was longer with the previous owner than with me... but it was good nonetheless.

It's not official yet but...

R.I.P Chrysler Concorde LX June 11, 2009 - December 5, 2010

Graduation, Dresses, and Feeling Sorry

Well, I am graduating... finally after five years. Two in Connecticut and three here in Iowa. I'm sort of being wishy washy on whether to graduate now in December or in May. Though, since it's already December, chances are that I'll be graduating now. I'm just so freaking tired of school. This is what happens when you go to college because your parents tell you to. I'm not saying I would have never gone... but I went right out of high school because of their urging and maybe I should have taken a year out before applying. I know, I know, "but you have a mind of your own... you can do what you want". Yeah, but it's always been in my nature to want to please people. Still haven't grown out of that.

Anyway, I kind of don't want to participate in graduation. I just want my degree really and I won't get that until January or February... but my family wants me to walk so... what can I do? Though I don't really see the point in it.

We're not rehearsing... which I guess is the case with most college graduations. Besides, it's pretty straightforward. You go, listen to boring ass speeches, sit down, walk across the stage, sit back down, then leave. Still... it might have been nice to have some sort of walk through the day before. I just hope I don't fall on my face or do anything super embarrassing. I just have to remember... I'm done after the eighteenth, that should help me get through it. A friend of mine will be there too... so that will at least settle me a bit.

Let's get away from graduation though, it's exciting yet at the same time I hate thinking and talking about it.
Yesterday, I went to David's Bridal with two of my friends. One of them being the bride-to-be of course. I was in a great mood... we were going to try on dresses so that was exciting. However, I finally realized how much I have failed at my diet when I tried on the first dress that was a size 12 or 14... which I am in regular clothes. It didn't fit and I had to get a size 20--18 was the tightest I could wear though... I couldn't even believe it. I guess I just didn't take into account the fact that these types of dresses may be sized differently. Needless to say, I was feeling very self conscious.

Not to mention, I've had low self-esteem for pretty much my whole life and I've been standing sort of hunched over because of it. When I looked at the mirror, it just looked as though I was standing but also slightly curling up into myself... don't know how to explain it... but it wasn't flattering.

All of this wasn't made any easier because in the room next to our two was a lady and her daughter. She would keep looking at us with her lips pursed and giving us this dirty look. You know the one that says, 'I'm awesome and my daughter looks so much butter than you'. Or maybe that was the way she always looked... like something was up her butt.

When I feel bad about something, I tend to shut down... so that's what I did. It wasn't fair to my friends because we were there to have a good time looking for dresses. We did find one... but I wasn't loving it because of how I was feeling. If I were chipper that day, I would have absolutely adored it... but that wasn't the case. It really was a beautiful dress though.

They could tell something was up... but I think that they thought I hated the dress since I wasn't smiling... far from it.

These past few times we had hung out, I always ended up in some sour mood. I mean, at first I thought it was just because both their significant others were also hanging out with us and I was just... not jealous, jealous sounds a bit intense... but discontented that here I was, at the time 22 and almost out of college, without EVER having a boyfriend. I've had many, many crushes... they all know this... but never a boyfriend. However, now that we had hung out just us three... I still get into a funk during our hang out time.
I realized that I'm just a negative person and I'd find anything wrong with myself or my surroundings. But I haven't always been like that... still, I haven't exactly been the most positive person in the world either. It had to be somewhere in the middle. I wonder what happened. What was the turning point in my life that made me unable to even enjoy hanging out with friends?

Maybe I just don't deal with change very well. Some types of change are okay... but the change I'm talking about is between friend relationships.

I'm a pretty quiet person when I don't know someone... some people might even say I'm anti-social. That may be what I seem like... but that's not the truth. It's hard to make friends and I've had the same two good friends since Jr. High. Sure, I've had acquaintances, but I never really clicked with them. So, I noticed that most of these changes in mood came after one of them talked about their future, either away from Iowa or with their present significant other. To me, it's like being far away from your friends would mean that you'd lose touch with them... that's not something I want, but I guess I'll have to accept it and I have a hard time doing that. Who will I hang out with after they all move?

Maybe I'm too emotional. I guess that's why some characters in movies don't get so attached to people. Sometimes I think that would be a good way to live my life... but then, wouldn't that be a pretty abysmal existence?

Hopefully this all passes.